1. |
brushfire
02:09
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|
i was a rose grown from brushfire
wind as it battled the flames
i grew with hemlock and ash at my side
built myself up from remains
you set your sight on a garden
delicate, gentle, and tame
you don't deserve the briar you got
i don't deserve your name
you keep her ashes like petals
press them in books to keep safe
you don't deserve the ghost in your house
i won't exist as her grave
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2. |
eden
02:30
|
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|
they said it was eden
that i was the luckiest
that was the place i learned to hide my skin
you found me on the ground
trying to pull my ribs out
you showed me how to bind, feel lighter again
you bound my arms to the bed
said "this is what it is to be wanted"
i thought it was eden again
that twice i'd been given a garden and i wilted
i became nothing
just so i could be planted
you found me empty and you liked the dependence
you made me a mockingbird
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3. |
lilac bones
03:09
|
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|
i have been growing lilac stems in my bones
to slow the progression of hardening where they've broken
i let the roots pull water from my skin
i'm dehydrated but i've let something good in
i have been stealing time from my old age
to compensate for all the time i lost as a kid
i was a rabbit digging in my pockets
for a watch to keep track and pulling dirt out instead
i have been running
drinking water from my palms
i think the dirt has it blessed
i have been running from sin my whole life
and tripping on the roots that grow
from the holes in my conscience
i'll hold the briar, crown of thorns in my pocket
as a nod to entanglement, the past, and what's ahead
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4. |
softly
03:09
|
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|
you were born with rivers in your palms
black lace woven through stars
unseen, the sky is dark
from veins they grew, a hidden path to roots
you took your knotted spine and threw it to the sky
still and petrified
i've watched you break wooden bones
and measure limbs to build a home
hold your head low, grow your hair long
and we will sleep when winter comes
it's not the river's fault if it's been bled to dust
the birds will grieve for home if they find the tree's been cut
wood floats where it's hollow
i'll take this raft and build a boat
with walls that hold, welcome light and snow
set out to sea, hope we find a home
|
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5. |
||||
|
i have watched you swallow small things
and keep them in your chest for safety
but there are holes in your rib bones
things fall through and it's hard to let go
i tried to keep you here
settled for following you with a basket when you need me there
i will hold your place
i will make sure the rain doesn't wash away you and what you've made
|
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6. |
from my bed in the north
03:25
|
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|
i used to think i was scared of you leaving me
now i'm afraid you'll die here
stuck in the city, arms wider than buildings
you're grounded out of fear
and i'm in the north still looking for my body
knowing i'll probably die here
i have found fire, still looking for snow
always hoped that the end would be quieter
i think i used to believe in God
though i tried not to get my hopes up
i think he died last year
now i think we're alone here
i never believed in praying for nothing
now i pray all the time out of fear
call me a nihilist, i think i'm just tired
of what happens when all your friends are queer
|
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7. |
penance
03:11
|
|||
|
when i came out
from confession, i was always blinded
by the light streaming inside
stained by the glass
and i'd find my hands were crimson
folded as i prayed
for forgiveness for wanting new skin
for wanting a body i'd fit in
for wanting to leave it
and now i'm going back
moving to hampton
maybe i'll go back
to confession
tell them what i've been up to since then
confess to some things i don't think are sins
|
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8. |
hrt
03:34
|
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|
since then these hands remain crossed
they make shapes in the light and obscure the dark
i am proud of what they are
and this voice has brought me something
when my ribcage wouldn't bend
i'm not sure what i owe my body
but i'll try to remember how it felt
you can tell the glass
i have shards in my skin
i can see myself fine
without it
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9. |
tdov
04:08
|
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|
i am lucky
i was born with flowers in my blood
they belong there, no one cuts them
i can grow my hair long
i can hold a hammer
and still build with nails i've painted on
no one notices the binding
no one tries to stop my heart
but who will close my eyelids?
we are still scared of the sunlight
of what it takes to be seen
theirs are the eyes that hold power
we are not ready to leave
is this what it means to bleed for your sins?
to hold the stigmata up to the light
and say
this is what i am
|
||||
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